August 18th, 2013

books on my head

A post not about books, a subject line that isn't from a song

Sunshine's finally come around again. She came over last Friday night and is staying the whole weekend. I'd prepared a whole pile of movies and things, but instead we've been mainlining Downton Abbey (she's finally in season three!). I've baked cookies twice already, and I think if I bake anymore Sunshine will revolt and then maybe make me eat all of them (the prospect is less terrifying than it would have been a month ago: my cookies have begun to look and feel closer to Platonic and I think I could survive the ordeal).

I'd meant to go out over the weekend, but mum's been sick, the kind of sick that makes me begin packing overnight bags and stashing them in easy to access places, and I don't want to leave her alone when she's like this. I really don't want her to be hospitalized again, not now when she's been so good, and when I've got an appointment with my thesis advisor this week.

Sunshine was supposed to begin her residency in November, but she told me that she's considering teaching medical English in Japan for six months, and that she's invited Lime to come with her as he is already fluent in Japanese. The boys will be done with their boards after today, and will be waiting for their results, so it would be a good time for Lime to go abroad to gain some life experience, I suppose. He is a man used to being away from home, after all.

I honestly don't know how I'm supposed to feel about that other than annoyed, and annoyed at myself for being annoyed. Firstly, my friends are not beholden to me in any way whatsoever, so if they want to go and travel and see the world and make good professional choices, well, my place in that is just to attend the bon voyage party and welcome them home when they decide to come back. Secondly, the Internet exists. Thirdly, presents over presence, I suppose. Scratch the third; presents are best with the presence of their givers so that I can shower them with the appropriate amount of affection.

It chafes, though, because I am greedy when it comes to people, and so insecure about my place in their lives and affections.

I am a social potato.