There aren't any tricks or secrets to confronting your own awfulness, and troubleshooting it is just a prolonged experiment of how much you can strip away from yourself and still keep going. It's just a matter of striking deeply and cutting until you find the embers of your self-hate, and stoking them until you immolate. Ideally, you get out of it all phoenix-y.
If you don't make it, well, too bad. Then there mustn't have been anything worth saving, I guess? :) Dry wood burns best, but it doesn't bode well for your chances next spring.
MIXED METAPHORS YEAH.
Just finished reading You by Austin Grossman, a terribly painful book about the history of a small group of friends viewed through the filter of this video game that they made together, that is the most simplistic way of explaining it, more about Austin Grossman down there; and I also read Necromancing the Stone by Lish McBride, the sequel to Hold Me Closer, Necromancer, one of the happiest series one could ever read about necromancy, filled with great characters and interesting dialogue.
Currently reading A Madness of Angels, the first book in the Matthew Swift series by Kate Griffin. I'm about 2/3 through with it and if the laboriously constructed sentences don't kill me, I might actually come to enjoy this book. Urban sorcery: you know I've got a hard-on for city shit and magic. :))
So the ten books (new additions at the end):
1. The Queen's Thief quartet (one down, three to go) by Megan Whalen Turner
2. The Good Man Jesus, and the Scoundrel Christ by Philip Pullman
3. Love Minus Eighty by Will McIntosh
4. Empire State by Adam Christopher
5. The Wild Life of Our Bodies: Predators, Parasites and Partners by Rob Dunn
6. The Year of the Flood by Margaret Atwood
7. The Word for World is Forest by Ursula K. Le Guin
8. Soon I Will Be Invincible by Austin Grossman
9. The Remains of the Day by Kazuo Ishiguro
10. Ringworld by Larry Niven
Okay, so after I read You, I listened to the The Geek's Guide to the Galaxy episode with Austin Grossman (x) while I was working and found out that, holy crap, he's the twin brother of Lev Grossman??? Okay, I should have known that yeah, having the same last name might be an indicator of a filial relationship or whatever, but come on, twin brothers writing awesome fiction (I know, I've blasted similar sentiments all over my social networking sites, whatever, I'm sorry).
Okay if you don't know who Lev Grossman is, he wrote The Magicians and The Magician King and basically blew my mind late last year and made me throw copies of his books at nearly everyone within reach.
(The last time I had such a ridiculous reaction to an author, a lot of people got Junot Diaz books for assorted occasions. You're welcome.)
The thing is, while the subject matter of both brothers' novels (video games, fantasy, magic, flagrant use of geeky and nerdy topics) are enough to light a fire in my brain, both of them have this insane knack for writing friendships. I love nostalgia! I love bitter feelings and sharing memories and experiences like normal people share cups of coffee in the rain. So of course I am head over heels in love with their prose, and the bloody idea that they are pretty close and spitball ideas with each other is driving me up the wall in a good way.
Somewhere in the multiverse, they pilot a jaeger together. The Grossman Golem. Something catchier. But yeah. Someone out there understands me.
The Whovian meet-up at the seemingly generically named 'Coffee Place' went well. Yeah, that's pretty much it.
The Homestuck Picnic was ridiculous. The weather was super weird, but it was awesome, if I do say so myself, and I think most everyone had fun. Except for the people in the area who weren't from HSPH. And the security guards. And that one man I threatened. Yeah. :))
I was nauseated most of the morning of the picnic due to the logistics stress, but thank goodness I've been blessed with members who are so frigging awesome that they just roll with shit like that. I was NPO for most of the day, except for two bottles of water that I savaged mid-afternoon. People kept telling me to sit down but come on, I was doing rounds and making sure shit was going well. Or approached well as closely as possible. Good group, best family.
I was pretty wiped afterwards, and the next day found me with a sunburn AND a cold from the alternating rain and shine I got exposed to. Yeah, I guess that's pretty much it for that as well.
Blogging is ridiculous. But it's helping. It sure as hell isn't exacerbating anything. :))
Why do you people put up with me? :)