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Sometimes I feel as though I'm living from one moment of weakness to the next. All the interesting things happen during moments of weakness, when I am off-guard, or when I am playing at being impulsive. I dislike being weak, but it always makes for a captivating story, or a labyrinthine memory.

Then again, maybe the word I'm looking for isn't weakness, it's vulnerability. There are similarities, of course, but weakness is internal, a built-in defect that disables you from being useful or worthy. Worthiness is very important to me. Anyway, Vulnerability is something external, where you can be harmed from the outside.

I have learned that I must seem less vulnerable to these external influences. However, I have to admit that while physical and emotional influences are so much easier to ignore, or pretend to ignore, I am so susceptible to ideas. I suppose that is what makes reading so pleasurable to me. You get a direct infusion of ideas, a potent one as well, a cocktail of an author/genre/period's devising that goes straight to my head and has the potential to make me weak at the knees.

Ah, but Hope, you say, wouldn't that vulnerability to ideas be a weakness then, since it's so frigging inherent in you?

Venn diagrams of meaning, I guess.

Obviously I'm trying to talk about something by talking about something else. Blogging in code is tedious, but cathartic.

I give it three months. Either it'll grow stale, or it'll be a great icebreaker.

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Thesis is going well. Looking at PhD programs and feeling less helpless about my life choices. :)) OH and I am turning twenty-seven this coming Saturday. Pretty excited for what I've got planned.

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Finished reading King of Attolia by Megan Whalen Turner. It was stellar, as usual, and I really can't get over how simply this book is written, yet how much it punches me in the face. This series is so wonderful that I am kind of panicked that I only have one more installment to go before I run out of books. D: Apparently MWT has a few more coming up in the next few years, so I guess that's all right??? How will I get my Eugenides fix. :c

Knocked The Year of the Flood, second book in the Maddaddam trilogy, by Margaret Atwood off the list as well. Firstly, this book is triggering for a bunch of reasons, mostly to do with violence and non-con. Secondly, it is so much more interesting than Oryx and Crake because thank all the gods, Jimmy isn't a POV character anymore, (He, Quentin Coldwater, and Nick Carraway, ought to be this holy trinity of unreliable, annoying narrators that whine too much) so it's a sort of cleansing of the palate. The two new narrators have a lot in common with Jimmy though in the way that they don't seem to have had a lot of control of their lives prior to the Crake-induced apocalypse, and have just 'found' themselves in their positions by accident. Thirdly, a lot of loose ends that felt like plot holes in the first novel get tied up in this one (more on this later) and bring this three-dimensionality to the story. I have to be kinder to Jimmy, he's a little shit stuck in a horrible situation.

Cool thing about finishing TYotF when I did was that the third novel of the trilogy, also titled Maddaddam came out on the 29th, so I elected to bypass my next-20 and skip right to it. Remember how I said that a lot of loose ends get tied up? Yeah there are a lot of ludicrous coincidences that happen, the kind that make you look at the book weirdly, or wonder if Margaret Atwood is just really into heavy and extremely advanced foreshadowing. Still a very triggery book, although it does end the trilogy in an excellent and satisfying manner. (Toby is my favorite.)

Stepping out of the sci-fi/fantasy for my next read just to clear my head by reading The Remains of the Day by Kazuo Ishiguro. I've only read one book by him before, Never Let Me Go, which was sci-fic and full of that brutal nostalgia shit that I so love and lap up. I'm really, really sure that Remains isn't scifan though as I distinctly remember seeing snippets of its film version on TV once. My mum thinks it's going to make me cry. She is probably right.

I've also decided to pick up the Horus Heresy series. It's part of the Warhammer 40K franchise and it's comprised of twenty-five novels, holy crap. I really shouldn't get into another franchise, but my DM recommended it and his taste has been kind of flawless so far. I remember some of this really long lecture that Steven gave me about WH40K like, nearly two years ago at the first HSPH draw meet, and I've always held the opinion that it sounds interesting, so yeah, here we go, let's take the plunge. Life is short and you can't read books when you're dead. Anyway, I'm going to just read one of the books every so often, not like mainline it like what I did with the Discworld series, a.k.a. twenty-nine books in less than three weeks, oh god.

Yeah, I know, I am so doomed. :))

Next twenty books:

1. A Conspiracy of Kings from the Queen's Thief series by Megan Whalen Turner
2. The Good Man Jesus, and the Scoundrel Christ by Philip Pullman
3. The Word for World is Forest by Ursula K. Le Guin
4. Ringworld by Larry Niven
5. Feed from the Newsflesh Trilogy by Mira Grant
6. Neuromancer by William Gibson
7. Perdido Street Station by China Mieville
8. The Last Policeman by Ben H. Winters
9. Lexicon by Max Barry
10. Parasite Rex: Inside the Bizarre World of Natures Most Dangerous Creatures by Carl Zimmer
11. City of Thieves by David Benioff
12. Woke Up Lonely by Fiona Maazel
13. Mistborn the Final Empire by Brandon Sanderson
14. The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafon
15. Uncommon Grounds: The History of Coffee and How It Transformed Our World by Mark Pendergrast
16. The Adoration of Jenna Fox by Mary E. Pearson
17. The Interestings by Meg Wolitzer
18. The Daylight Gate by Jeannete Winterson
19. Horus Rising by Dan Abnett
20. Out of the Silent Planet by C. S. Lewis

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Story idea came to me this morning. It actually seems viable. Novella-length probably. Confirms what I've always known. I write when moments of weakness occur.

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