Hope Swann (coffeebased) wrote,
Hope Swann

Oh, she lets me right in and I fed 'til I'm full

So, it's been twenty thirty-something days since I last blogged. I started writing this blog ten days ago, and those days kind of snuck right past me. This is another attempt to get through it. Let's see how it goes.

So here's the last 22 31 #100happydays photos:
10177534_614430678643212_1623832066875867031_n10251981_614691738617106_5244165647748858772_nScreen Shot 2014-04-17 at 12.55.33 PM

I don't really want to put a caption anymore, because I have kind of had enough of that for the moment. No captions, no citations, and no Times New Roman for a few weeks. I totally passed my thesis defence (with minor revisions), which you probably already know. At the time I started writing this blog post, I'd only begun my revisions, but now I'm done with everything, every-fucking-thing, and all I'm waiting on now is my final grade for that.

It's a weird place to be in, after two years of fighting to be allowed to do the stupid thesis, fighting to do the stupid thesis, to write the stupid thesis, to defend it, well, I'm still half-sure that I've forgotten to do something important. How is it possible that I've finished grad school, after everything? I still wake up, panting, and afraid that I haven't finished things. I'm assuming the thesis-fear will wear off in a few more weeks, when everything's sunk in further.

In 2008, when I started grad school, I was so sure that I'd finish it early. And for the first year or so, it felt like everything had fallen into place. But I'd only taken my own mind and talent into consideration, completely forgetting that there could've been other things between myself and my goal. I'd been so angry to have lost what I thought would be my only chance, and this changed my outlook on things and bettered my chances at a future on a firmer foundation.

I wanted to write something more sentimental, a grand blogpost describing the ups and downs of the past six years, but that time is over now, and I am so pleased by the result of my work, as well as grateful to my mother for having taught me about strength, and endurance. I'm still relatively young, considering everything, and there's so many things to do before it'll be appropriate to write an ode to a mere fraction of what I'll experience before I die.

I do feel relieved, though.

I feel relieved and pretty damn clever. The future's not as fuzzy as I thought it would be as well.

Enough about my life for now. My book blogging's suffered!!! :))) So I didn't manage to read any books during the week leading up to my defence, and the week of revisions after it, so I thought that putting off my blogging wouldn't make such difference? And then I got through seven books in quick succession and that was that. :)) I'll probably be posting my book blog later on tonight, or something? I'm going to be separating my book blogging from my IRL blogging, and I was hoping that I could do one post for each a week, and maybe with some actual RL thoughts.

I've missed writing, non-technical writing, and it's actually begun to bother me when I'm going about my day. It's probably because I've managed to liberate a huge amount of space in my head and I'm scrabbling to find something, anything to fill that up. I'll be entering my 11th year of blogging about shit, and I want to say meaningful things while I can. I've never really been one for having photos taken, so when I'm old and grey, I won't be able to nostalgically shuffle through boxes (crystal projectors??? the future??? could be anything) and laugh at my face, so maybe I'll have this. I'll have the stupid contents of my head.
Tags: life

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